Post by kingrat on Mar 4, 2011 12:20:19 GMT -5
As darkness settled over the Navy's hyper-secret weapons systems testing facility, known by it's code name "Woodland," the AK Bunker RAT team nervously awaited El Jefe's command to commence the exercise.
The Admiral Lawrence C. Dirtrider's flag, emblazoned with the image of The Fighting Bumble Bee was prominently displayed over the entrance to the command bunker, known as "the pink trailer" - indicating he was in residence. Admiral Dirtrider had chosen The Fighting Bumblebee as the avatar for his flag because it was the symbol of his old fighter squadron from years ago when he was a new junior Ensign; just graduated from flight school. The Fighting Bumblebees had gained considerable notoriety, and The Admiral gained his status of ECM ACE, during the Navy's war games of 1907 when the defending Fighting Bumblebees had soundly defeated the opposing aggressors during fierce aerial combat in the skies over Alabama. The aggressors, from squadron VFA 69, known as the Wimpy Bullpuppys, had suffered ignominious defeat in that battle even though their technologically superior Fokkers and Messerschmitts should have easily beaten the worn-out Spads loaned to the Navy by the Norwegian Coast Guard. In the opening sortie of that battle, Dirtrider was heard to exclaim over an open frequency; "Watch your six, boys, some of them Fokkers is flying Messerschmitts." When the Bullpuppys overheard this transmission they were offended and embarrassed by Dirtrider's crude language. While the Bullpuppys were politely discussing the rude behavior of their opponent, the Bumblebees were able to gain precious altitude and thereby retain aerial supremacy over the superior technology, and use it to defeat the hapless Bullpuppys.
RAT team members lounged in the luxurious wardroom of the Pink Trailer, while El Jefe and Kingrat debated the tactical aspects of the mission plan. The Admiral listened in on this debate and quickly realized that El Jefe actually had no viable plan, and that Kingrat was wasting his time trying to convince El Jefe to adhere to standard safety protocols in the deployment of the MDTLD. El Jefe was convinced that the dangerous armadillos lurking nearby could be overcome by his superior technology and the element of surprise. Kingrat repeatedly cautioned that the pockmarked terrain would be too dangerous for a trek on foot that the team would have to make in order to get to the armadillo positions.
"You fall into one of those hidden 'dillo nest holes and we'll have to call in a sky crane to get you out," said Kingrat.
"Aw, shucks," exclaimed El Jefe, "we'll take a cheap flashlight and cover the lens with red saran wrap. Everyone knows the 'dillo is blind to red light, so he won't know we're there until the AR-15 blasts him into possum heaven."
Soon, Kingrat realized that he would not be able to deter El Jefe from his ill-conceived mission plan.
"Hells bells, man," El Jefe barked, "I'll go alone if I have to, but I'm gonna git be some 'dillo hide tonight!"
Kingrat rejoiced momentarily at the thought of avoiding the probable weapons system failure he feared, but eventually decided that he could not let his old and valued friend go out against the immanent danger without some level-headed reinforcement. "I'll go with you, boss, but please leave the rest of the team here."
"I've seen those cavorting beasties," chortled The Admiral, "and if you two idiots want to go out after them in the dark, with that untested peashooter contraption you'll do it without my blessing and without my accompaniment. If you're not back by dawn I'll send your dirty laundry home with the RAT team and the Navy will confiscate all your leftover beer and equipment." With that, The Admiral stripped to his skivvies and hit the rack for a good night's sleep - anticipating a pleasant dream of the Huevos Rancheros to be served in the pink trailer's luxurious wardroom at dawn.
El Jefe and his faithful companion, Kingrat, began their trek in the dark to the armadillo nesting ground. For what seemed like half the night, they trekked over hill and dale at a modest pace, El Jefe grimly clutching the special AR-15 and Kingrat operating the modified flashlight to show the way around booby traps and hidden 'dillo holes. Moonlight shown on the grass along the trail until they entered the dense forest where El Jefe suspected the 'dillo might be rooting around, looking for food or sex.
The AK Bunker's Division of Natural Resources had provided King Rat with certain limited and highly-classified information about the Armadillo. Because the information has been kept such a closely guarded secret, the general population is unaware of the clear and present danger this creature poses to civilized society. Observing a hungry armadillo taking nourishment is a visual nightmare. The ferocious beastie can dismember and devour a small cow or large goat with ease. Claws closely resembling the size and shape of the species Ursa Horrificus adorn the 'dillo's giant hooves, making the toughest victim's hide as dainty as a bulldog's scrotum. Tusks as sharp as the tongue of a woman scorned protrude from the sides of a mouth which can gape as wide as a hippo's ass. Multi-faceted eyes provide visual acuity second only to the Bard Owl but are unable to process red and infra-red light. In summary, this is one mean sumbish!
"Halt!" whispered El Jefe as Kingrat's red light dimly illuminated a tall tree with a clump of bushes at its base. "Keep quiet," he whispered even more silently, "and don't make a move or a sound while I get the MDTLD focused on the beast."
After a few nano-seconds, which seemed like hours to Kingrat, El Jefe reported that the beast was in sight and that the weapon system was about to be activated. Kingrat muttered silently what he firmly believed to be his last words, praying that the system would work well enough to limit collateral damage to one or two square miles. Eventually, a "click" emanated from the AR-15 which was no louder than a pin dropping and a bullet splashed near the claws of the front hooves of a ferocious beast. The FART mechanism built into the AR-15's bullet belching tube had worked well, and completely muffled the explosion of the ammunition cartridge within the AR-15's belching chamber, but the sound of the .22 ounce depleted uranium projectile splashing into the ground had aroused the 'dillo.
'Dillo had been engaged by the AK Bunker team. The beast had become aware. There was no turning back now.
"Oops!" exclaimed Kingrat.
Be sure to tune in to the next episode to learn if El Jefe and Kingrat survive their encounter with the ferocious North American Armadillo.
The Admiral Lawrence C. Dirtrider's flag, emblazoned with the image of The Fighting Bumble Bee was prominently displayed over the entrance to the command bunker, known as "the pink trailer" - indicating he was in residence. Admiral Dirtrider had chosen The Fighting Bumblebee as the avatar for his flag because it was the symbol of his old fighter squadron from years ago when he was a new junior Ensign; just graduated from flight school. The Fighting Bumblebees had gained considerable notoriety, and The Admiral gained his status of ECM ACE, during the Navy's war games of 1907 when the defending Fighting Bumblebees had soundly defeated the opposing aggressors during fierce aerial combat in the skies over Alabama. The aggressors, from squadron VFA 69, known as the Wimpy Bullpuppys, had suffered ignominious defeat in that battle even though their technologically superior Fokkers and Messerschmitts should have easily beaten the worn-out Spads loaned to the Navy by the Norwegian Coast Guard. In the opening sortie of that battle, Dirtrider was heard to exclaim over an open frequency; "Watch your six, boys, some of them Fokkers is flying Messerschmitts." When the Bullpuppys overheard this transmission they were offended and embarrassed by Dirtrider's crude language. While the Bullpuppys were politely discussing the rude behavior of their opponent, the Bumblebees were able to gain precious altitude and thereby retain aerial supremacy over the superior technology, and use it to defeat the hapless Bullpuppys.
RAT team members lounged in the luxurious wardroom of the Pink Trailer, while El Jefe and Kingrat debated the tactical aspects of the mission plan. The Admiral listened in on this debate and quickly realized that El Jefe actually had no viable plan, and that Kingrat was wasting his time trying to convince El Jefe to adhere to standard safety protocols in the deployment of the MDTLD. El Jefe was convinced that the dangerous armadillos lurking nearby could be overcome by his superior technology and the element of surprise. Kingrat repeatedly cautioned that the pockmarked terrain would be too dangerous for a trek on foot that the team would have to make in order to get to the armadillo positions.
"You fall into one of those hidden 'dillo nest holes and we'll have to call in a sky crane to get you out," said Kingrat.
"Aw, shucks," exclaimed El Jefe, "we'll take a cheap flashlight and cover the lens with red saran wrap. Everyone knows the 'dillo is blind to red light, so he won't know we're there until the AR-15 blasts him into possum heaven."
Soon, Kingrat realized that he would not be able to deter El Jefe from his ill-conceived mission plan.
"Hells bells, man," El Jefe barked, "I'll go alone if I have to, but I'm gonna git be some 'dillo hide tonight!"
Kingrat rejoiced momentarily at the thought of avoiding the probable weapons system failure he feared, but eventually decided that he could not let his old and valued friend go out against the immanent danger without some level-headed reinforcement. "I'll go with you, boss, but please leave the rest of the team here."
"I've seen those cavorting beasties," chortled The Admiral, "and if you two idiots want to go out after them in the dark, with that untested peashooter contraption you'll do it without my blessing and without my accompaniment. If you're not back by dawn I'll send your dirty laundry home with the RAT team and the Navy will confiscate all your leftover beer and equipment." With that, The Admiral stripped to his skivvies and hit the rack for a good night's sleep - anticipating a pleasant dream of the Huevos Rancheros to be served in the pink trailer's luxurious wardroom at dawn.
El Jefe and his faithful companion, Kingrat, began their trek in the dark to the armadillo nesting ground. For what seemed like half the night, they trekked over hill and dale at a modest pace, El Jefe grimly clutching the special AR-15 and Kingrat operating the modified flashlight to show the way around booby traps and hidden 'dillo holes. Moonlight shown on the grass along the trail until they entered the dense forest where El Jefe suspected the 'dillo might be rooting around, looking for food or sex.
The AK Bunker's Division of Natural Resources had provided King Rat with certain limited and highly-classified information about the Armadillo. Because the information has been kept such a closely guarded secret, the general population is unaware of the clear and present danger this creature poses to civilized society. Observing a hungry armadillo taking nourishment is a visual nightmare. The ferocious beastie can dismember and devour a small cow or large goat with ease. Claws closely resembling the size and shape of the species Ursa Horrificus adorn the 'dillo's giant hooves, making the toughest victim's hide as dainty as a bulldog's scrotum. Tusks as sharp as the tongue of a woman scorned protrude from the sides of a mouth which can gape as wide as a hippo's ass. Multi-faceted eyes provide visual acuity second only to the Bard Owl but are unable to process red and infra-red light. In summary, this is one mean sumbish!
"Halt!" whispered El Jefe as Kingrat's red light dimly illuminated a tall tree with a clump of bushes at its base. "Keep quiet," he whispered even more silently, "and don't make a move or a sound while I get the MDTLD focused on the beast."
After a few nano-seconds, which seemed like hours to Kingrat, El Jefe reported that the beast was in sight and that the weapon system was about to be activated. Kingrat muttered silently what he firmly believed to be his last words, praying that the system would work well enough to limit collateral damage to one or two square miles. Eventually, a "click" emanated from the AR-15 which was no louder than a pin dropping and a bullet splashed near the claws of the front hooves of a ferocious beast. The FART mechanism built into the AR-15's bullet belching tube had worked well, and completely muffled the explosion of the ammunition cartridge within the AR-15's belching chamber, but the sound of the .22 ounce depleted uranium projectile splashing into the ground had aroused the 'dillo.
'Dillo had been engaged by the AK Bunker team. The beast had become aware. There was no turning back now.
"Oops!" exclaimed Kingrat.
Be sure to tune in to the next episode to learn if El Jefe and Kingrat survive their encounter with the ferocious North American Armadillo.
