Post by kingrat on Mar 3, 2011 11:42:28 GMT -5
Although El Jefe’s piloting of the FORD SUV left King Rat and his elite weapons testing team members gasping for breath and mumbling sincere and extensive prayers of thanks for their survival of the trip, everyone soon was settled down and engaged in unloading crates and setting up camp. El Jefe seldom participated in field testing missions, so he left the logistics and tactical decisions of the mission up to King Rat, who knew the terrain and the Navy’s requirement for use of the facility. The first order of business after unloading the FORD SUV and setting up camp was to break out the personnel rehydration and PRE (Pig, ready to eat) supplies.
PRE is one of the most important products in the AK Bunker inventory. Several years before, King Rat had been assisting Leeboat in the R&D labs on a project initiated by Ms. Ladylaw to improve the nutritional content of the Navy’s dietary supplies. “You guys can’t expect trained warriors to fight a war effectively on that crap you’re giving them to eat.” exclaimed Ms. Ladylaw one day in an AK Bunker board of directors meeting. “They just can’t remain in top condition on a continuous diet of freeze-dried Waffle House chili and stale Cheetos. Now, I propose we devise a way to preserve some good ‘ole Southern BBQ for the troops. It is a well-known nutritional fact that burnt pig is nature’s most perfect food. Hell, we can suggest the Navy test the product on their Marine Corps grunts – those guys are tough and could even survive something developed by Leeboat.”
Leeboat grudgingly accepted the culinary challenge after El Jefe mentioned something about trouble at the company’s Prudhoe Bay testing facility that might require a personal visit by a company executive, and Leeboat wanted to avoid that trip at all costs. Knowing that his own gastronomic skills were limited, Leeboat asked King Rat for assistance on the project. The result of this collaboration was the AK Bunker PRE, and it was wildly coveted among all the Navy’s officers and enlisted personnel whenever it was available for distribution on covert missions.
Anticipating that he would have trouble getting enough mission volunteers from his team once they learned that El Jefe would be piloting the FORD SUV on the mission and that untested weapons systems from the R&D labs would be used, King Rat put out the word that some of Miss Joan O’fart’s key lime pie would be served along with the PRE. This ensured sufficient staffing of the mission. The men knew that if they survived the wild ride to the test site, they would at least die with full and content stomachs when the weapons systems exhibited their probable spectacular malfunctions. King Rat fully expected to hear the standard AK Bunker battle cry from his men: “Light up the sky, Boss – my belly’s full of Pie!”
With the equipment unloaded and stored, tummies full of pig ‘n pie, and King Rat fully recovered from the mind-bending ride in the FORD SUV, the team settled in to await the darkness necessary for operation of the MDTLD. About this time a familiar noise was heard from off in the distance. It was the unmistakable sound of Admiral Lawrence C. Dirtrider’s personal transport. The Admiral had decided to observe these field trials for himself, partly because he knew the AK Bunker crew would be bringing PRE and Joan O’fart pie. Although rank has its privilege, the Admiral could never get enough of these culinary masterpieces when he was on duty at the Polygon. The Admiral had also decided to remain safely removed from close proximity to the actual equipment testing site because he had been privy to the casualty reports of Navy personnel assigned to acceptance trials of some of Leeboat’s more “spectacular” innovations.
Fortunately, King Rat knew of The Admiral’s impending arrival and tactfully reminded El Jefe that the AK Bunker’s monthly checks from the Navy might be adversely impacted if he snatched the last PRE and slice of pie. King Rat could visualize the mayhem that would result if The Admiral was served standard military victuals instead of the expected PRE ‘n Pie delicacies. No Navy ship in the fleet was unaware of The Admiral’s reputation for malicious punishment in cases of Incompetent Ward Room Protocol. A full Commander, nuclear aircraft carrier executive officer, had once been demoted to PLO (permanent latrine orderly) for merely suggesting that The Admiral use pepper on his scrambled eggs instead of Texas Pete. It would not be a pretty sight, indeed, if there was no PRE ‘n Pie for The Admiral. El Jefe grimaced and growled, but he bowed to the good sense being suggested by King Rat.
As darkness approached, the team began to stir in readiness for the mission. Everything was in readiness and the tension among team members began to mount. The telltale twitch in El Jefe’s left pinky finger – the last vestige of his injuries from that unfortunate testing mission of Leeboat’s two-wheel vehicle steering assist computer mechanism – indicated that the boss was ready to proceed with the team’s foray against the darkness and the dreaded alien armadillo.
The armadillo had been chosen as a worthy opponent to face El Jefe’s newly invented weapons system – the mating of Leeboat’s MDTLD to the company’s well-proven AR-15. Tune in next time to find out if King Rat’s apprehension about spectacular testing failures would prove to be prescient. Find out if The Admiral’s decision to remain secluded in the facility’s bunker during testing was the right one. Find out if the rumors about armadillos being vicious killers are true. All this, and more, in the next episode of The Armadillo Annihilator.
PRE is one of the most important products in the AK Bunker inventory. Several years before, King Rat had been assisting Leeboat in the R&D labs on a project initiated by Ms. Ladylaw to improve the nutritional content of the Navy’s dietary supplies. “You guys can’t expect trained warriors to fight a war effectively on that crap you’re giving them to eat.” exclaimed Ms. Ladylaw one day in an AK Bunker board of directors meeting. “They just can’t remain in top condition on a continuous diet of freeze-dried Waffle House chili and stale Cheetos. Now, I propose we devise a way to preserve some good ‘ole Southern BBQ for the troops. It is a well-known nutritional fact that burnt pig is nature’s most perfect food. Hell, we can suggest the Navy test the product on their Marine Corps grunts – those guys are tough and could even survive something developed by Leeboat.”
Leeboat grudgingly accepted the culinary challenge after El Jefe mentioned something about trouble at the company’s Prudhoe Bay testing facility that might require a personal visit by a company executive, and Leeboat wanted to avoid that trip at all costs. Knowing that his own gastronomic skills were limited, Leeboat asked King Rat for assistance on the project. The result of this collaboration was the AK Bunker PRE, and it was wildly coveted among all the Navy’s officers and enlisted personnel whenever it was available for distribution on covert missions.
Anticipating that he would have trouble getting enough mission volunteers from his team once they learned that El Jefe would be piloting the FORD SUV on the mission and that untested weapons systems from the R&D labs would be used, King Rat put out the word that some of Miss Joan O’fart’s key lime pie would be served along with the PRE. This ensured sufficient staffing of the mission. The men knew that if they survived the wild ride to the test site, they would at least die with full and content stomachs when the weapons systems exhibited their probable spectacular malfunctions. King Rat fully expected to hear the standard AK Bunker battle cry from his men: “Light up the sky, Boss – my belly’s full of Pie!”
With the equipment unloaded and stored, tummies full of pig ‘n pie, and King Rat fully recovered from the mind-bending ride in the FORD SUV, the team settled in to await the darkness necessary for operation of the MDTLD. About this time a familiar noise was heard from off in the distance. It was the unmistakable sound of Admiral Lawrence C. Dirtrider’s personal transport. The Admiral had decided to observe these field trials for himself, partly because he knew the AK Bunker crew would be bringing PRE and Joan O’fart pie. Although rank has its privilege, the Admiral could never get enough of these culinary masterpieces when he was on duty at the Polygon. The Admiral had also decided to remain safely removed from close proximity to the actual equipment testing site because he had been privy to the casualty reports of Navy personnel assigned to acceptance trials of some of Leeboat’s more “spectacular” innovations.
Fortunately, King Rat knew of The Admiral’s impending arrival and tactfully reminded El Jefe that the AK Bunker’s monthly checks from the Navy might be adversely impacted if he snatched the last PRE and slice of pie. King Rat could visualize the mayhem that would result if The Admiral was served standard military victuals instead of the expected PRE ‘n Pie delicacies. No Navy ship in the fleet was unaware of The Admiral’s reputation for malicious punishment in cases of Incompetent Ward Room Protocol. A full Commander, nuclear aircraft carrier executive officer, had once been demoted to PLO (permanent latrine orderly) for merely suggesting that The Admiral use pepper on his scrambled eggs instead of Texas Pete. It would not be a pretty sight, indeed, if there was no PRE ‘n Pie for The Admiral. El Jefe grimaced and growled, but he bowed to the good sense being suggested by King Rat.
As darkness approached, the team began to stir in readiness for the mission. Everything was in readiness and the tension among team members began to mount. The telltale twitch in El Jefe’s left pinky finger – the last vestige of his injuries from that unfortunate testing mission of Leeboat’s two-wheel vehicle steering assist computer mechanism – indicated that the boss was ready to proceed with the team’s foray against the darkness and the dreaded alien armadillo.
The armadillo had been chosen as a worthy opponent to face El Jefe’s newly invented weapons system – the mating of Leeboat’s MDTLD to the company’s well-proven AR-15. Tune in next time to find out if King Rat’s apprehension about spectacular testing failures would prove to be prescient. Find out if The Admiral’s decision to remain secluded in the facility’s bunker during testing was the right one. Find out if the rumors about armadillos being vicious killers are true. All this, and more, in the next episode of The Armadillo Annihilator.